Not a care in the world

Desperate measures

Rick Uchwat shares his club’s bizarre early-’80s marketing gimmicks, some of which even worked. Sort of.

BODY OF LIES No one wants to buy a ticket to an empty comedy show. It’s a problem Uchwat faced just about every night. To combat the problem, he bought six blow-up sex dolls and placed them in the seats, darkened the theater and voilà: A half-dozen rapt audience members were visible from the box office. Once a real person paid for his or her ticket, Uchwat would explain his tactics and assure customers things would pick up. And if not, at least they weren’t technically alone.

BIRD BRAINED Uchwat wanted to capitalize on people being in town for Thanksgiving by giving away free turkeys. To advertise the giveaway, Uchwat sent manager Bert Haas to River North dressed in a tuxedo, with a live bird in tow. Animal-rights activists caught wind, but their protests lost steam when Haas pointed out the turkey was farm-raised specifically for eatin’.

BANANARAMA With a name like Zanies, you can’t sail the yuk-yuk ship at half-mast. So Uchwat literally went bananas, awarding free tickets to anyone who brought the fruit to the show. But people would buy a bunch, then hand them out in line. Some even sold them at a dollar a pop, undercutting Zanies and netting themselves a tidy profit. Bad for Uchwat; good for American ingenuity. —Steve Heisler