Bikini battle

Photo: Rogan Birnie

Love it My last boyfriend and I were always in search of cheap beer specials and the ever-elusive dart board that was unoccupied on a Saturday night. I’m happy to report that at low-key watering hole Crabbby Kim’s, our expectations were met and then some. Not only did we get to kick back with a couple of cheap drinks and a few games of cricket, but to our delight, the bartender was clad in nothing but a blue bikini. How refreshing to discover that straight people have the same appreciation for the body that gay people do! Here we thought that leaving the cozy confines of Halsted Street meant waving goodbye to shirtless bartenders. Sexist? A little. Lowbrow? Certainly. But with the Eisenhower era safely behind us, I think we can all admit to enjoying a little guilty pleasure in our lives. Fellas, if you like your ladies Western Avenue style, you’re likely to leave Crabbby Kim’s a happpy camper.—Jason A. Heidemann

Hate it Hot lady bartenders working in bikinis? That’s odd, but totally intriguing! Why are there three Bs in Crabbby Kim’s? Who cares—it’s hilarious! And why’s this Kim so damn ornery? I must know! I’d been threatening to go to this place for years, and I was thrilled to finally get a willing companion—until I crossed Ms. Kim’s threshold. Instead of a bunch of attractive ladies bouncing around in bikinis, there was just one bikini-d bartender, who had seen better days and seemed less-than-enthralled to be there. As for the crowd, I found a handful of regulars slumped over Buds staring dully at the Cubs game on the flatscreen. The final offense: Despite many allusions to crabs, there’s not one crustacean on the menu. Kim, you ill-tempered tease, you owe me.—Laura Baginski

Crabbby Kim’s, 3655 N Western Ave, 773-404-8156.