High anxiety

Photo: Martha Williams

A few years back, I threw myself out of a plane. I’d hoped that by streaking toward the earth from 13,000 feet, I would be like a wrecking ball to my fear of heights. It didn’t work.

I’m still afraid of standing at the edge of rooftops, but I don’t think that’s fear—that’s common sense. What if a hawk swooped down and knocked me off? No, my irrational fear comes into play when I step onto a chair to change a lightbulb, or climb a stepladder to fix a curtain rod. If I’m standing more than two or three feet off of the ground, I sweat and shake like I’m being interrogated.

In hopes of getting over my fear for good, I call Dr. David Carbonell, a psychologist and an “anxiety coach” with offices in Rolling Meadows and downtown Chicago, who’s used to helping scaredy-cats like me. After a few questions about what kind of fear of heights I have, he reveals that he, too, doesn’t like rooftop edges (“What if I sneeze?” he says).

“We can become afraid, but a lot of time that fear is about fear—the fear makes you feel more afraid, even if you’re not in danger,” he says. “You think, I’m afraid right now, so I must be in danger, but that fear isn’t useful if you’re not in danger.”

Something clicks when he says this. It’s pretty easy for me to freak out about freaking out when I’m reaching for that light fixture. Carbonell recommends that I get up on a chair for an hour, stand there, occasionally jump down and reach up. It’s not about getting over my fear, it’s about recognizing that the fear is there whether I’m in danger or not.

Do I go home and hang out atop a chair for an hour? You bet I do. Coach said. I don’t particularly enjoy it, but I also don’t get sweaty or surly (I get temperamental when I’m scared). I like the idea that this fear that’s plagued me since I was a kid is useless, and our 20-minute talk helped me put in perspective how lame useless fear is. It’s a bit more palatable now.

But I’m still not going to dangle my feet off of rooftop edges. I simply don’t trust the hawks.

For more information on Carbonell, visit anxietycoach.com.