MAP ROOM Why don’t you have technology like that, CTA?

Scott hasn’t so much remade Joseph Sargent’s 1974 subway-hijacking thriller as lobotomized it—or more accurately, shocked it repeatedly with a defibrillator while taking it on a high-speed helicopter chase. (Wait, that’s a J.J. Abrams movie.) The original was a character-driven face-off between Robert Shaw and Walter Matthau, memorable for its superb location work, jazzy David Shire score and Martin Balsam’s sneeze. The new edition has been supersized with video-conferencing teens, rat-averse snipers (periodically forgotten, it seems) and a beefier part for Gandolfini’s mayor. As in Scorsese’s remake of Cape Fear, the hero (Washington) has been given a guilty secret, and the sneering “Ryder” (Travolta, or possibly Nicolas Cage wearing Travolta’s face) aims to exploit it.

The city has one hour to give Ryder $10 million, and Scott really, really likes his countdowns. First he gives us a title card indicating that it’s 1:59pm, then another card indicating that it’s 2pm; the frequent updates on remaining minutes function as a kind of laugh track. The key to enjoying the new Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 is to recognize that it’s a comedy—as if Ryder’s monologue about flying an ass model to Iceland could have left any doubt. Avoiding too much comment on September 11 but extending an amusing fuck-you to Wall Street, the movie bends time and space to its will. New York geography is first rigorously observed, then thrown to the winds. “They’re shutting down every intersection from here to Brooklyn!” someone shouts at one point. And killing every brain cell within a 20-mile radius.

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