Battle of the sex

LIP SHTICK Howard works his game on a cosmetics salesgirl.

Over the high-pitched whir of a smoothie blender in the food court of Skokie’s Westfield Old Orchard mall, Wesley Howard is explaining the secrets of seducing women to an audience of two spellbound men.

“You don’t want to justify your self-worth to a woman; you want her to justify herself to you,” says the 23-year-old Wrigleyville resident, a disciple of Mystery, the self-proclaimed “world’s greatest pickup artist” and host of VH1’s The Pick-up Artist.

Howard’s students on this cloudy Sunday afternoon are Segun, 21, from Mount Prospect, and David, 18, from Glencoe—two AFCs (pickup-artist speak for “average frustrated chumps”) who admit to fumbling, anxious and sweaty-palmed, through most of their interactions with the opposite sex.

But these wannabe Casanovas say their confidence is on the rise since reading the pickup artist’s bible, The Game (William Morrow, $35), and joining the Windy City Lair, a loose, male-only collective of 40 self-styled pickup artists (or PUAs). This so-called seduction community is devoted solely to turning the attraction of women into a formula-based science. Applying techniques such as “negging” (shrouding a compliment in an insult) and “freezing out” (ignoring a woman to make her seek validation), the organization comes off as an odd hybrid of sexual support group and sexist, testosterone-fueled frat.

Sharing pickup tales and info online (pick-up-artist-forum.com/chicago-windy-city-lair-us-vf97.html), Lair members—invariably self-professed socially awkward, computer-savvy gamers—also convene every other Sunday at 1pm inside Old Orchard to put their methods to the test, “sarging” (or cruising) together in the wilds of the consumer jungle. Last Sunday, we tagged along, getting the play-by-play as Howard, Segun and David attempted to number-close (PUA slang for obtaining a phone number) on some unsuspecting women just trying to do some shopping.

1:30pm Entering Nordstrom’s purse section, David chats up a tall brunette despite the fact that she’s clearly with her mom. Using a “routine” as an opener, he says his mom sent him to find a birthday present for his sister and he needs her advice. She and David scan the purses together, giggling. “The mother is actually no problem,” Howard says, watching from a perfume counter. “One time I actually got a girl’s grandma to wing me.”

1:46pm Recapping in the men’s clothing section, Howard chides David for using the phrase, “My mom sent me.” “You’re devaluing yourself in her eyes,” Howard says. “You don’t need your mother to tell you to do anything.” “Sorry,” David replies, “I thought I was scoring points with the mom.”

1:55pm David begins to worry that Howard’s rapid pacing through the store is drawing unwanted attention from Nordstrom’s staff. “Last meeting I was cockblocked by the same employee three times,” David says. “She kept saying, ‘Excuse me! Can I help you?’”

2:03pm Howard finally engages an employee at the MAC cosmetics counter. “Going after hired help has its own set of techniques,” he says afterward. “You have to steer the interaction from business into personal. We started talking about makeup, then I negged her about her fake diamond rings.”

2:25pm At Barnes & Noble, Segun talks to a girl he later describes as “HB9” (a hot babe who’s a 9 on a scale of 10). David admits he has switched to the binary system of rating women: “I’m 1s and 0s now.…I either like her or I don’t.”

2:48pm David shows off his Livestrong bracelet, white hat and bright Corona sandals (Corona sandals!) as examples of “peacocking,” dressing in garish clothing to attract attention from women.

3:10pm Inside the Sunglass Hut, Howard tries on shades for 20 minutes while flirting with a salesgirl. Exiting the store, he says giddily, “She kept putting her arm on mine and gave me her business card, but—I’m not sure—there might be a commission incentive there.” It was the closest any of them got to a phone number all day.