Heard on the street

You should’ve hooked up with me two bars ago.

It’s like the city puked up all its people.

“My last three boyfriends threatened to kill themselves.” “You should stop dating wusses.”

I’ll either have to slut it up or get married.

They’ve tried to turn their newspaper into an Internet.

We had no reason to stand up straight in the ’90s.

I can’t let doppelgänger see me like this. Are you nuts?

When I start killing people, I will most likely kill you first.

I’m no Don Johnson cardboard cutout.

When isn’t it herpes time?

I’m here. I just don’t like you anymore.

I want to see her fat one more time so I can feel better about myself.

It’s too hot to be sober.

I can’t help it, man, I just like black ladies.

Actually, an ass is another name for a deer.

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