Heard on the street

I’ll take the Red Line home. I’m supposed to go to Homo Depot.

You look like a stylish lumberjack.

I made a bum uncomfortable once by singing about my testicles.

That’s exactly why people don’t like Christians!

Carly always tells people I have things to suck on.

Let me go see if I can find a sign that says VAMPIRES.

He’s got a porcelain-doll-ass-lookin’ face.

I thought it would be stiff, but it’s actually pretty soft.

Doin’ anything worth texting me back about, g moneybags?

It was strange seeing my face while men were milling about blowing each other.

I wouldn’t even let the people of Minnesota pick out my cat.

If you dated a man, you two would totally be Velcro.

This makes me want to throw you out the window.

I want to verbally kick him in the nuts.

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