Heard on the street

Am I ever going to get home? I just want to take my pants off!

I don’t need to be eatin’ any strange meat at Rainbo.

My pizza party of life has just been canceled.

I may look like a square, but I have some pretty twisted friends.

Is Arby’s running its roast-beef special today?

Sam Elliott is my secret DILF.

Everybody, chill the fuck out. I got this.

If there is weave on the floor, grab it.

Is the monkey still in your car? Has it killed yet?

I have to disagree. I think it can get very gay without balls touching.

I hate parties—and there will probably be swine flu.

Goodbye, my love. I must leave this village to hunt the Wumpus.

I just noticed the teardrop on the emo kid’s face.

If you’re gonna kill me, I hope there would at least be some exciting twists.

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