Heard on the street

“Honey, a pregnancy test?” “Yeah, I bought it while I was buying the vodka.”

She’s attracted to white guys that look Mexican.

“I went and did some ’ludes.” “Do they even make ’ludes anymore?”

Because I’m a motherfucking lady.

I wrestled that stroller like it was a sand shark.

So your hat is your personality.

My mom e-mailed me from the same room.

I’m usually smoked-out way before 4:20.

A bag wouldn’t help; I’d still know what she looked like.

I saw peach-fuzz, and there was no peach.

Why are you harshin’ my mellow?

I fucking hate my life. The only good thing is that my dick is huge.

I’m not running for the bus; I ran to get to this country.

Snort it all.

I’m more interested in the length than the color.

You think he’d be flattered to be called “hotcakes.”

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