Heard on the street

Bitch, I was drunk when you met me.

It’s like the Deb of furniture stores.

Who goes into someone else’s bathroom within 20 minutes of getting there and takes a sexual bath?!

Why is everyone carrying their dog around? It’s like a purse that poops.

That Starbucks is like McDonald’s.

You can’t go with me unless you change that shirt.

Why won’t you be my best friend?

His bathroom smells like the rhino exhibit.

I don’t know too much language.

Based on your mood, the soup kitchen must’ve been closed.

She doesn’t have any symptoms; she’s only a carrier.

I can’t deal with mayonnaise while driving.

Some folks should really be caged.

Look at those round little buttocks.

I can’t really check my fantasy.

That’s actually a fuckin’ rooster in that yard.

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