Heard on the street

It’s a birthday doughnut. When you eat that, you have to think about my loser cousin getting squeezed out of my crazy aunt’s vagina.

Hit me. I’ve got nothing but time, kid. That and $3, some dirty underwear and an ugly wife.

I’d like to develop a sexting relationship with your mother. You down?

If you don’t go to Costa Rica once in your life, you are fucking retarded.

I figured I’d nice it up with ass-smoothies.

Dude, you’re never going to believe what I heard today: Mike got another girl pregnant.

I want the big book of pretty pussies!

That baby don’t even look like a baby. It look like an old-ass man.

I wish that heifer would say that to my face! I would run her over with this goddamned train!

Who the hell is L.A. guy?

I didn’t know what was going on until Megan Maced herself.

Are you asking me to marry you? We’ve been over this before.

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