Heard on the street

I love classical music, but it’s, like, over.

Last night, all I wanted to do was murder everyone. For reals.

That’s what happens when you have no sexual release: You just turn into this Touretic weirdo.

The girl coming is the best part about sex, in my opinion.

I told you, love sores hurt good.

Kelly, I might as well tell you I tried cocaine on Fire Island.

I’m Google/Facebook stalking girls I used to have crushes on.

Tell all your hefty friends I don’t want them around me.

I have 31 male cousins and a brother, so yeah, I know how to wrestle.

Washing is not just rubbing it on your face.

Watching him make decisions is like watching a cow poop in the woods.

You actually did leave your panties in a bunch on my floor last night. I washed them for you, because I am a nice person.

Since when did you care about stains, Mr. Come?

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