The Whole story

1. 1550 Brew

Reasons we love this beer bar: It’s located right by the door, so we can grab a pint on the way in and sip while we shop. It features all Midwestern beers (plus two local meads), with rotating Three Floyds and Goose Island brews. We can bring over food from any of the kiosks and wash it down with a cold one while watching the Sox game on the tube. Incredibly friendly bartenders offer tastes of interesting stuff like pulque (fermented agave nectar) and kombucha. And last but not least, it’s right next to the massive body-products section, so after we’re all buzzed and happy, we can go spend an hour looking at all-natural crap we never knew we needed.

2. Wicker Park Sub Shop

Subs were never a trend in 1980s Wicker Park, nor does the “Wicker Park Subs Since 1980” kiosk reflect the great strides sandwiches have made in the last three decades. It doesn’t matter if you get your sandwich cold or toasted, with tofu or turkey, built yourself or brainstormed by WFM—you end up with a mouthful of dry bread. But this station’s not a total bust: Freshly fried, skin-on, paprika-dusted potato chips come with the subs; skip the sandwiches and just pony up 99 cents for an à la carte bag.

3. Da’Vine

The menu at this wine bar states that the flights are comprised of three two-ounce pours; maybe we just got lucky, but our bartender poured much, much heavier. That made the flights (which range from $7–$10) a steal, especially since these bottles are far cries from your normal supermarket swill. Unfortunately, wine bars require more than just good wine to be successful, and it’s hard to create a good atmosphere when there are people on all sides of you shopping for milk.

4. Chicago Smokehouse

We don’t expect a grocery store to have a guy out back coaxing legendary barbecue out of a hickory-fired pit, so when we set about for a smoky lunch, we tried to keep unrealistic comparisons in check. The kitchen definitely applied the three-step process of brine/rub/smoke, giving plenty of flavor to brisket and ribs. But the meat dried out a bit sitting in a holding unit, zapping the juice right out of the brisket and making for crunchy, dried edges on the spare ribs. Aggressive seasoning helps (we were nonplussed about both the honey-mustard–based sauce and the vinegary tomato–based sauce), as do solid sides of bacon-flecked collard greens and baked beans.

5. Pilsen Taqueria

Show us a Pilsen taqueria that serves tofu gorditas, and we’ll show you a Whole Foods that puts out a good pastor taco. Actually, we’ll show you neither of these things, since they don’t exist. The tacos disappointed across the board here, from the innocuous chicken to the dry barbacoa to the tough pastor. The gordita with marinated tofu fared better, but probably only because there’s nothing in the spectrum of Mexican food to compare it to. The one ray of hope: a solid horchata.

6. Gelato Bar

With a selection so vast, perhaps it’s no surprise there are more misses than hits at the mini restaurants. But it’s impossible to go wrong at the gelato booth, where creamy classics like raspberry or pistachio and creative mash-ups like pineapple-basil are models of perfection.

7. Cookie Club

Based on the fantasies of every ten year old, this international display of cookies offers a pay-by-the-pound selection with everything from French macarons to big chunks of rugalach. Consider it the ultimate mix-in bar for your gelato.

8. Riverview Diner

Only Epcot could come up with a diner replication as cutesy as this—except Epcot would have better service and may even serve more exciting food. A diner’s currency is in its greasy food, so right from the start the natural selections here are at a disadvantage. The burgers, fries and a triple-decker turkey club were all merely serviceable. Skip dessert: The pie dough is soft and mealy, and the malt arrived without the promised malt balls sprinkled on top. (Although, come to think of it, subpar service is an authentic diner trait.…)

9. Taylor Street Italian

You can’t go wrong with sweet caramelized onions and mild Gorgonzola cheese. Unless you put them on top of a soft, flimsy pizza crust that needs more time in a way hotter oven. Customizable “pasta bowls,” on the other hand, are boiled-to-order, so the simple bowls of al dente noodles sprinkled with fresh Parmesan and basil are presented steaming hot. Still, locally produced fresh pasta like tri-color pappardelle and oversize rigatoni and housemade tomato sauces were both in need of giant handfuls of salt. Perhaps calling yourself “Taylor Street Italian” sets the bar too low. Too harsh?

10. Asian Bar

Every imaginable take on maki is offered grab-and-go-style per the usual Whole Foods setup, but this kiosk also makes more than a dozen pan-Asian classics. Standard Chinese fried-and-sauced dishes sit in woks under heat lamps, ready for scooping onto rice. Korean barbecue ribs, noodle soups and tempura dishes are all made to order, though unfortunately aren’t offering any threat to area restaurants just yet. Tempura shrimp and soy-marinated grilled beef over brown rice prove the best of the bunch, but udon and soba noodles get a basic bonito broth with little character and panko-dredged chicken katsu’s crunchiness is foiled by the steam job it gets being shoved under a plastic lid.

Whole Foods Lincoln Park, 1550 N Kingsbury St, 312-587-0648.

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