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Against bacon
This is a call to the world to stop it with the bacon already.
I’m talking to you, 32-year-old man with the bacon billfold.
And you, sorority sister in the GOT BACON? tee.
And especially you, the guy who actually paid money for that bottle of Bakon [sic] Vodka.
I know your reasonings—I’ve seen the bumper stickers—but I’m here to refute the claim that “everything is better with bacon.” In fact, everything is not better with bacon. Whoever told you that was lying. And if you’ve tasted a vodka Collins made with bacon vodka and thought, “Now this is what a cocktail should taste like,” then you were lying to yourself. And you should apologize.
Same goes for you, people who buy those bacon-chocolate bars. Chocolate and bacon together does not taste good. It tastes like a mistake. If you were at a campfire, making s’mores, and the chocolate fell into the fire, and you dug into the ashes to fish it out—that’s what chocolate-and-bacon tastes like. And you know it tastes like this, because humans have taste buds, and yet you eat it anyway. Was anybody eating it 15 years ago? No. But it would have tasted exactly the same way back then. So it’s not bacon-and-chocolate that has changed. It’s you.
But it’s not your fault. There’s a reason you’ve allowed yourself to be bacon-brainwashed. His name is George W. Bush. You ran to bacon when he took office and started tapping your phone line. You found bacon comforting and distracting. Before you knew it you were starting blogs called Bacon Freak and the Bacon Show.
That, anyway, was the half-baked theory I ran by Angela Celio Doyle, clinical associate at the eating and weight disorders program of the University of Chicago.
She wasn’t buying it. “I certainly don’t believe that there’s anything pathological about this,” she said. But for my question as to why bacon—and not, say, Chex Mix—has captured the attention of food obsessives, Doyle did offer an insight. “There have been studies about the way that certain foods trigger certain areas of the brain,” she said. “These foods can trigger certain good feelings. So I wonder if there is a biochemical basis for really enjoying the taste of bacon.”
Another type of food that triggers good feelings, according to Doyle: anything fatty. Like chocolate.
So that may explain the bacon-chocolate thing. But not the bacon pajamas. And not the bacon alarm clock that cooks bacon next to you while you sleep. To explain those things, I called Andre Pluess, cofounder of the upcoming Baconfest Chicago in April and this week’s sold-out Baconfest Preview Cook-off at the Publican. (Actually, I called cofounder Seth Zurer first, but he was at the hospital waiting for his wife to deliver their kid. No doubt that baby is now swaddled in a bacon blanket, if not in bacon itself.)
Why bacon? I asked Pluess.
“I’ve just never encountered a food in my life that I feel so passionately about,” he said.
But why not just eat the bacon? Why do we have to have a festival with bacon sculptors and bacon poets—a festival that Pluess says will result in a “two-day bacon rave”?
“Bacon screams to me: You must give me a platform,” he said. “We want to mobilize our love of bacon into something that will create a communal sense of celebration around it.” He said this as if a communal celebration of bacon didn’t already exist—as if there weren’t panties with the phrase I heart bacon written across the ass. Or a heralded version of bacon that is thick, ketchupy and can be squeezed out of a tube. Or a website dedicated to bacon haikus.
“The thing about bacon that I think is so powerful is the sensory memory that so many people have of their first waft of bacon,” Pluess continued. When he was growing up, “the aroma of bacon was the most comforting thing…it was sort of like a pied piper.”
Has Pluess forgotten where the pied piper leads? I think all you bacon fiends have. But it’s time to wake up and save yourselves. Go to the Bacon Cook-off (if you can finagle a ticket). Break out your bacon sweaters and have a Merry Bacon Christmas. But when Baconfest comes around in the spring, let’s not make it a fest so much as a wake. A goodbye party, before we send this overblown trend over the edge. There are plenty of other worthy foods out there, and at this point it’s either the bacon or us.
Time Out Chicago / Issue 243 : Oct 22–28, 2009
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@Marla - everything on this planet is here for our entertainment or consumption. These animals are alive in the first place just to convert grotesque garden trash into delicious steaks, chops and yes - bacon. Consider the power of the animal agriculture threat to the environment versus human overpopulation. Wanna make a real difference? Don't breed.
Bacon lovers might want to check out what's happening on the average hog farm. If you want o consume it, you should know how it is produced. www.mercyforanimals.org/pigs If you don't care about needless cruelty and suffering, please consider that animal agriculture is probably the biggest threat to our environment: air pollution, water pollution and energy waste are are huge by-product of your beloved bacon. Please consider a compassionate, healthy and sustainable alternative: not consuming it.
Bacon and chocolate candy bars make perfect sense. they taste good because they mix salty and sweet. It is very normal and okay to enjoy that. This article is really stupid.
Patrick: There's just as much humor in my response as there is in the original article. Probably more.
I confess - Mo's Chocolate Bacon Bar (www.vosgeschocolate.com) is pure bliss to me. And have you seen this cake? http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/post/111027247/bacon-chocolate-cake-submitted-by-dukecityfix
Anyone that reads TimeOut Chicago on a weekly basis knows that declarative op-ed pieces are rare. Whether or not you see humor in David's piece, at least be appreciative of the article's aim to stoke debate. To Jenni Spinner, you ask indignantly why Tamarkin cares about peoples' thoughts of bacon? Similarly, can I ask why you care so much about what he thinks? Maybe his opinion's only wanted if it's congruent with yours? At least be civil and intelligent in your retort.
relax people. It's just a magazine article.
I heard Tamarkin got bullied by bacon in junior high. It's cool Tamarkin, I get it, you've got to prove to bacon that you aren't a 12 year old dork anymore, now you've made it big as a journalist in Chicago.
if this article was trying to be funny it forgot references to swine flu. c'mon!
This is the worst article I have ever read, OF ALL TIME. I will now lead a national boycott of your site and/or products.
i think you're pussyfooting around the most clear conclusion here: "bacon" is a dumb fad for dorks who know nothing about food. --sfb
As someone who made a bacon-related T-shirt for Obama last year (Pro-BLT, Anti-GOP) I, too, am a little bit tired of all the bacon hype. But the food writer doth protest too much, methinks. The heart wants what the heart wants, even if that means its continued beating requires the introduction of Lipitor. Don't hasten the end, Mr. Tamarkin. Bacon's appeal is universal; its merits, unquestionable. And when its run as pop culture's nosh of choice ends - I'll be sad. And so, I suspect, will you be.
What? I can't hear you over the sound of how delicious bacon is. Have you ever TRIED Mo's Bacon Chocolate Bar? Or a Bakon Vodka Bloody Mary? They're incredible. Declaring things as having "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark. Bloggers and reporters declaring things as "dead" is about as insightful as the guy who puts "FIRST!" in the comments section.
poor food for poor people
I don't think it's that hard to understand. Bacon is cool now because it's cool to love bacon. Back in the olden days, we called that a "fad." Bacon is and always has been delicious, but eventually the crowd will move on to some other fetish and drop off their bacon gear at the Goodwill, where it will be repurchased and worn again ironically 10 years from now.
A bacon/mint mojito? That's like trying to mash up The Thong Song with I Could Have Danced All Night. THAT'S BECAUSE THEY DON'T GO TOGETHER. (thanks, Glee.) Cooking is about juxtaposition. It's about finding combinations that complement each other well. No one food makes everything better. Not even garlic. Or avocado. OR BACON. Sorries. And props for quoting Andre Pluess.
Tracy, you are my new idol.
I'm with you, David. I find this obsession with bacon to be a little creepy. I'm standing by for the shift to a collective celebration of garlic - deliciously smelly, fantastic when roasted, and healthy. Or maybe carrots - sweet and crunchy, versatile enough to be seasoned as a savory side dish AND sweet enough to be baked into a cake. Pigs are actually really smart animals. I fear their uprising. What the fuck can a bulb of garlic do in retaliation? Nothing.
I can understand the backlash against the bacon trend, but besmirching the perfect balance of salty/sweet/smoky that chocolate covered bacon has is just a step over the line. Also, I want to call you a troglodyte so it shows up on TOC's twitter feed.
What the hell do you care if we love bacon? You don't appreciate it, don't go to Bacon Fest. Stay the hell away from the Publican. Don't order a Baconator. I find your COMMANDING me to tone down my enthusiasm for something I truly love and appreciate highly arrogant. Do you go to Pierogi Fest and tell those people to stop loving Polish dumplings? No. So shut the F up. bacondujour.blogspot.com
Stop the Bacon hatred. This article is promoting the extermination of Bacon!! Down with whoever wrote this article. BACON LOVERS unite.
I have loved, adored even!, bacon all my 55 years. While I don't have any bacon related clothing, I have been known to eat an entire pound of bacon all by myself! I love breakfast buffets where I can eat all the bacon I want! It may lead to a heart attack, but I'm willing to take that risk, as I have no children to worry about leaving behind. Then there's bacon jerky, which I'm dying to try! Not literally, of course. Bacon mania will not be stopped as it is a smell and taste you can't forget....
I think the obsession with bacon is 3-fold: first, it tastes REALLY good. Second, it's like candy. Bacon is Meat Candy. And finally, when I was a kid my parents rarely made bacon--it was too expensive and bad for you. So when they did make it, we'd get 2 strips and that was it. Now as an adult, I can choose to eat as much or as little bacon as I want. Bacon represents the freedom to do what you're not supposed to be doing. That said, I'm tired of everyone sending ironic bacon gear to me.