Four bad dates

GENUS WILD NORTHERN MALL RAT

Mission To hook up with some hot dudes “downtown” (translation from Suburbanese: anywhere east of Harlem)

Habitat The Hangge Uppe, Bootleggers or any other Division Street skank bank

Cowboy hat “I dare you to try your best ‘riding,’ ‘mounting’ and ‘bareback’ lines on me—I’ll slap you silly. Unless you’re hot—in that case, here’s my number.”
Exposed midriff “Ask me about body-shot opportunities. Group discounts apply.”
Fake tan “Doesn’t my orange hue take you straight back to your greatest Daytona spring-break romps? Let’s relive the Señor Frog’s magic.”

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