Counter culture

Photo: Nolan Wells

Greg Kaplan is Hammond, Indiana’s resident firestarter. As the owner and manager of Krazy Kaplan’s Fireworks Outlet (you’ve probably seen its billboards featuring the demented-looking cartoon spokesman), he is sure to have an incendiary device to match your Fourth of July plans. Be forewarned: Chicago has strict laws on the use of fireworks, and the fines for using them—or burning down a neighboring apartment building—can get steep. But for those who like to play with fire, Kaplan is the man to visit.

What’s so special about fireworks?
There are no barriers. You have a little girl in here who loves sparklers and a doctor buying firecrackers. Everybody loves fireworks.

Do you get many Chicago customers?
A large portion of our customers are from Illinois. Also, people who are on the road: truckers and tourists. I try to have my businesses near the highways and state lines for that very reason.

But what about the law in Illinois? Do you give advice on how to get around it?
I say use your common sense. They sell in Indiana. I just sell ’em and tell ’em to follow the law.

What’s the best bang for my buck? Pun intended.
We have [a lot of] specials, like six-for-one or three-for-one. But you should also look at the assortments ($3–$1,000). There are a nice variety of fireworks in assortments.

What are some of the most popular purchases?
Always the firecrackers, like Roman candles and bottle rockets. Also any of our aerial repeaters (up to $40 each). Those are the fancy artillery shells that you put in the tube and shoot, and they have multiple breaks. We have ones that break up to six times—you know, for the real enthusiast.

Any funny stories from years past?
In 1996, a guy came out [of the store] with shopping carts filled with about $1,500 worth of fireworks. After loading his car up, we had to help push him out because the reverse was broken on his car—he spent $1,500 on fireworks but wouldn’t get his car fixed. Another time a guy came in and was arrested in the parking lot for driving on a suspended license or something. After he got out of jail, he came back and spent $800. There are a lot of stories like that.

Was it the guy from the billboards? He looks like the type.
No. Actually, [that mascot] comes from when I worked at Leo Burnett one summer. One thing I learned there is that you have to have a memorable character for good marketing. Later I came up with that guy with the big ears and buggy eyes wearing an Uncle Sam hat. But I don’t look like that.

What is the Fourth of July like at the Kaplan house?
Quiet.—Greg Hess

Take a drive and become a pyromaniac at Krazy Kaplan’s (3740 179th St, Hammond, IN, 219-989-8144).