More than words

It’s hard enough to watch what you say, but according to the authors of The Definitive Book of Body Language ($23, Bantam Dell Publishing Group), you also need to be wary of your nonverbal communication, such as how you cross your legs and whether you maintain eye contact. With section titles such as “The world’s eight worst handshakes” and “Why we hate riding in elevators,” Allan and Barbara Pease’s new book condenses 30 years of research into an insightful, relevant and humorous guide to nonverbal communication. We grilled Allan Pease on some whoppers: love and lying. Stop talking—gesture school is in session.

“The attraction process begins with women,” Pease says. “Ninety percent of the time, they send a series of subtle signals to targeted men who, if perceptive enough, respond.”

Pease says women, who are three to four times more aware of body-language cues than men, instinctively know how to light men’s fires. “Lowering the eyelids while simultaneously raising the eyebrows, looking up and slightly parting the lips is a cluster—or group of nonverbal signals—that has been used for centuries to demonstrate sexual submissiveness.”

Catch all that? Neither did we. Thankfully, Pease breaks it down. “There are a few courtship gestures females use. Tossing the head back and playing with the hair is a common one that even short-haired women will do. Also, as women become more interested, they unconsciously expose their wrists more. This area of the body is considered one of its most erotic areas,” he says.

Beyond wrist exposure, ladies should take note of how they sit at their next staff meeting, lest they give that IT dude the wrong impression with their fidgeting. “Men agree that crossing legs is the most appealing sitting position a woman can take, and doing so consciously draws attention to her legs,” Pease says. “In addition, knees will often be pointed toward someone she finds interesting. The act of dangling shoes indicates relaxation and has the phallic effect of thrusting the foot in and out of the shoe.”

Attracting a sig o is easy enough, but how do you figure out if that dawg is lying to you? “Notice contradictions in what you see and what you hear. The body will reveal the emotional state of the speaker,” Pease says.There are some tell-tale signs to watch for, too. “When people lie, hand-to-face contact increases dramatically, particularly hand-to-nose,” he says. “Also, watch where people look. People tend to make eye contact roughly two thirds of the time when they are relaxed, and they avoid it two thirds of the time when they’re lying.”

A few verbal cues are worth raising an eyebrow over as well. “Liars tend to compensate by sounding overhonest,” Pease warns, “so listen for things like, ‘To tell you the truth’ or ‘Let me be perfectly honest.’ If they have to qualify what they say, why should you believe them?”

Knowing all of this, you might be tempted to spin a few yarns of your own. Fight the urge—getting off scot-free is a lot harder than you think. “Even if you think you’re completely in control of your actions, there might be leakage—your true emotions coming through in other body language,” Pease says.

That’s not to say it’s impossible. “Since women are better at reading nonverbal cues, if you lie via text message, you might stand a chance.”