Where there’s smoke

ANONYMOUS STONER NO. 2

Product 2 Days Marijuana (THC) Detox Kit for moderate users. This contained a QCarbo Easy Cleanser beverage and a bottle of QPretox Daily Supplement pills. ($46 at detoks.com)
Claims The beverage bottle says detoxing “can additionally aid in offering a sense of general satisfaction and well-being.” I know something else that does that: weed.
Test-subject toxicity I smoke weekly, but smoked daily for five or six days before the attempted detox.
The pretest I took a drug test (a Xalex-brand urine dip-strip from detoks.com, $8) before detoxing. Surprise: I tested negative! Determined to test positive, I spent the following night getting extra superhigh and did another test. No dice. Frustrated, I called a doctor friend, who said there was no way a normal person would test negative after all that weed. It was like uncovering a secret superpower.
Taste of detox I went ahead with the detox, expecting to somehow test positive afterward. I took four pills a day for a couple of days and then downed the drink on test day as instructed. It tasted like Kool-Aid spiked with cough syrup.
Side effects My pee turned neon yellow-green—the color of cartoon toxic slime—about a half hour after I drank the stuff and stayed that way for hours. Something tells me green piss would tip off a lab technician if I tried to use this stuff to pass a drug test.
Did it work? Of course I passed the postdetox test, because I’ve got drug-test-passing superpowers. Even so, my doctor buddy said that if I had a real test coming up, I should play it safe and lay off the smoky treats for 30 days prior—apparently, that’s what he does.

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