30-second time-out

Books Brothers Andy, left, and John are aghast that you would accuse them of being self-promoters.

These Chicago-born brothers want to be a fan’s best friend. No, they don’t have tickets to give away for the Cubs home opener Monday 9, but they just might help you score a seat to see what $300 million can do for a team’s payroll. The long-standing (read: long-suffering) fans are the force behind the Wise Guide to Wrigley Field, a pocket-size primer on Wrigley and its ’hood. We called John and Andy for a little help navigating Wrigleyville and for some suggestions on turning the Cubs’ fortunes around.

So how can we score a ticket for the home opener?
Andy Buchanan Obviously, Wrigley is a tough ticket, but one thing we found people are not aware of is that [the Cubs] sell standing-room-only tickets the morning of every game. They occasionally release tickets at the last minute, because the visiting team had seats they didn’t use or VIP seats that came open.

Are either of you going to the opener this year?
John Buchanan Yes, [the plan is] we go to Murphy’s and drink beer, we go to the game and drink beer and then we go to the Gingerman and drink beer.

Any tips on improving your seats once inside the park?
JB Our strategy is to basically pick a section and keep your eyes on it for two or three innings and lock in on open seats. You know if nobody sits in it for two innings, nobody’s there. Make your move, just act like you know what you’re doing, and just walk with a purpose and kind of wave and act like you know people down there, and go sit down.
AB If you get caught, take it like a man.

Can you share a couple of your favorite memories at Wrigley?
JB The one game I do remember was in the summer of 1989, and [the Cubs] were playing the Expos in a night game, and night games were relatively new at that point, so it was fun to go. They were battling the Expos for first place and [the pitcher for the Expos] beaned someone from the Cubs, and the ball went into the [Cubs] dugout. Rick Sutcliffe picked it up and hurled it and hit [the pitcher] from the dugout. I was there the night Steve McMichael did the seventh-inning stretch, which was just hilarious.

Is it time to kill the guest spots for the seventh-inning stretch?
AB I think some of them are kind of clever and a lot of them are not, or they’re just advertisements. You’re watching the game at home on WGN and you realize this guy’s just here plugging his new TV show.
JB That is the most annoying thing. Ozzy Osbourne was ridiculous. I think they could just let [Ron] Santo do it.

Are there any changes we can expect at Wrigley this year?
JB Remember they’re putting the advertisements on the wall.
AB That’s the one big thing people are hyped about.
JB I think that is ridiculous. If you look at old-time pictures, there’s advertisements everywhere. What was the first corporate-named stadium? Wrigley Field. C’mon!
AB If it can buy a new, young starting pitcher, I’m all for it.

Any recommendations on pre- or post-game libations?
AB We almost always go to Murphy’s before the game. It’s kind of tradition. It’s, of course, always packed. We always go in the back, and it’s much easier to get in and there’s more space. [But] one of the saddest things I see when I go to games is you see those people getting on the buses, like, right after the game. They’re getting on these buses to go back to the suburbs or Iowa, and they are missing half the experience of this great, dynamic, urban neighborhood that is just begging to be explored.

Do you guys recall a time when the wave was banned at Wrigley?
AB I think it’s unofficially banned. It’s really discouraged. The wave kind of became trendy, and it was just a rejection of that to say, We are here to watch the game, we’re not here to do a silly little tradition.

How do we break the curse?
JB Uh, get better pitching [Laughs].
AB The book actually has a recipe for goat chili. But we don’t have a séance or anything, except you never give up. We’re there every opening day; we’re there every summer. You never give up hope that it’s going to happen.

Why are Cubs fans so loyal?
AB I don’t think it’s a choice. It’s in your blood. You don’t just follow the Cubs for years and years and then decide, Well, they’re not going to win one ever, so I’ll follow the White Sox.

What are you expecting from the Cubs this year?
AB I’m optimistic, [but] you’re always tempered with the experience of watching the Cubs.—Tim McCormick

The Wise Guide to Wrigley Field is available now at fansherpa.com