Wilson Cruz

CRUZ CONTROL Rickie dons his finest for a My So-Called Life photo shoot.

Photo: Courtesy of Danny Feld/ABC Photo Archive

“I belong nowhere, with no one. I don’t…fit.” This statement—muttered by Wilson Cruz’s character Rickie Vasquez in My So-Called Life—summed up Cruz’s on- and off-screen high-school experience. As a gay teen in the early ’90s, Vasquez was an outcast and a sidekick, but his existence alone marked a notable pop-culture shift. And yet the 1994–95 ABC show lasted only 19 episodes—less than a full season. In anticipation of the show’s special features–heavy DVD box set, we spoke with Cruz about his so-called life then and now.

People still feel a lot of nostalgia for My So-Called Life. Do you?
Yeah. I mean I do have amazing memories of it, but, you know, nostalgia means that it’s not with me all the time. And I feel like it’s with me all the time. People come up to me saying, “It changed my life” or “It was my life.” I will forever be Rickie Vasquez, and that’s not a bad thing. I loved that guy. It helped define me to myself, too.

Is it true the coming-out scene, when Rickie’s thrown out of his house, was drawn from your own life?
I came out to my parents because I knew I was going to be out publicly. It didn’t go well. There were about three months between the time that I told my father I was gay and the time we started shooting that I lived in my car and on couches. It was a rough time, but at the same time, I got to relive all of that through the show, and relive all of those emotions. It was very cathartic and therapeutic. When [writer] Winnie [Holzman] and I were doing the commentary on that episode, we were trying to figure out how that came about…if I came to her first or if she wrote it and I told her that it happened to me. She had a very intuitive way with all of the kids. [The show] was my high-school experience, plus the eyeliner.

Did taking on this role seem like a risky career move at the time?
The early ’90s was this very exciting time as far as gay rights and coming-out issues are concerned. I remember being really political at the time, in high school and in college, and I felt like this was an extension of that. I believed that it was time we start doing this for real in our lives, where we’re honest about who we are and don’t feel like we have to cater to people’s ignorance.

What were the reactions from the cast members when the show was canceled?
Well, we had said good-bye to each other four or five times [after each block of shooting]…because we thought that would be the end of [the show]. We were pretty devastated. It was such a huge part of our lives.

Did you anticipate the cult following it has now?
No, I would never have anticipated this much. And I can’t even say I have an idea that it does. I hear that it does. But I can’t wrap my mind around what it means to other people.

Experience My So-Called Life on DVD Tuesday 30.